So Much for Diets and Stuff Like That

So much for diets and stuff like that.  Today, I was thinking, I'd jump back on the diet bandwagon.  I made it so far as 2 glasses of water.  Then I dipped into creamer in my coffee, a friend coming to work and bringing me cupcakes for lunch, coming home eating an old dagwood sandwich that still tasted fine, and some more coffee creamer, and did I mention the diet soda.  Yep, and now I'm avoiding any thought of exercise.  I'm blaming it on the weather, but really it's my attitude.  I just don't feel like it.
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Other things...I'm turning 40 in two-weeks-ish.  I'm just not super excited about it.  I'm trying to be.  Everyone wants me to plan a party and be festive.  I just don't have it in me.  Everything I think of involves me working extra hard and everyone else having fun.  I don't know.  I want to be selfish for my 40th, doing something I like, that sounds fun to me.  But, there seems to be so much going on for everyone else, that nothing I come up with sounds that great.  So, I'm left with people saying..."what are you doing for your birthday?"...and all I know is "uh, I'll think about that tomorrow."
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Speaking of, my 16th wedding anniversary is this Friday.  Thankfully, we have a date lined out and I just don't really have to think about any planning.  We're going to see William Shatner, whom we both love.  So, that will be good and is something I'm looking forward to doing.  Otherwise, I'm sure it would be a let's order pizza and watch whatever re-runs are on tv if it was left up to me this time.  It doesn't seem right, but it's the truth.
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I used to be excited about so many things.  So, many little things.  And I am still excited about things.  Don't start preaching to me that it's my own fault, I know this.  I know it's my own attitude that sets the direction of the path I choose.  I'm just saying how I feel.  And lately, I've been trying to find my cheerleader spirit.  But, it's hard when you are dealing with a lot of old stuff that you thought was behind you and a bunch of new stuff that you didn't anticipate.

Nothing bad, just life.  Regular old life.  And quite honestly, my life is wonderful.  We have food, clothing, a house, lots of material stuff, friends, family, God.    All that stuff everyone wants in life.  But we have other things,  health issues, work changes, decisions to make, knowledge of people that we love hurting, knowing you cannot make things better and that you have to let things just happen, questions of people's faith and where did it go, dealing with people that push your buttons, wondering why doesn't everyone just love others unconditionally, why are there so many conditions in the world, being given 2nd opportunities at things you didn't want to do the first time around, going back to old ways in so many things and having thought we had outgrown them, wondering why I'm still in the exact same spot I was in a year ago after working so hard to change.  Like I said, nothing bad. Just life, regular old life.

And my life is one thousand times better than I should have, and I am blessed.  Don't get me wrong.  I am very thankful for all that I have.  I know how blessed God has made me.  I just have this moment where there is a little time to myself and I've had to ponder where I'm at and wonder where I'm going.